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Dear reader, [06 Jun 2012|05:06am]

I've a naughty little tale to tell,
plucked from the pages of history--
tarted up, true--
but guaranteed to stimulate the senses...

And I'd tell it, too, if my sexual proclivities didn't demand immediate indulgence...

Comment to be added.

:pathos: - -apathy-

[20 Jun 2009|06:40am]

If a life must be taken, let it be mine, and let it be now.

:pathos: - -apathy-

A Dignified Response [20 Sep 2008|01:06am]

Why yes, of course, by all means, absolutely-- I'm a professional. Not only am I a pro, but I am an audacious enthusiast: I often copulate whilst on fire, and seduce rare species of crawfish. For those curious about my current rates, I'd be happy to oblige you all for a mere spread of cheese and crackers (the sesame kind). If they're not sesame, don't bother. That would be obscene.

True beauty lies not on the surface, but deep within. Why don't all of you claw away at your lifeless piles of flesh and bone until you find it.

:pathos: - -apathy-

Föhn [05 Apr 2008|05:06am]

Du allein weist was es bedeutet. Für dich leben! Für dich sterben! Ach! Ach! Got! Leb'wol mein Saitenspiel! leb'wol leb'wol leb'wol -- Ach wol...

...Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen...


Oprah vs. Easter Bunny vs. Domitian vs. Catholic Church vs. BBC vs. Power Rangers. [19 Mar 2008|12:13pm]

American Easter approaches. The only major issue I have with the holiday is that the Cadburry Eggs are only really done contextually each year. It would be nice to have them around in August, or any other time of the year, when I'm constantly working against being thinner and happier. Otherwise, American Easter is fine for the most part. This excludes, of course, the obvious Hérésie of the holiday, and its complete and utter lack of basis in the rational world. At least the Hellenes do it better.

This time of year bears the History Channel and the Discovery Channel chock-full of Christian themes at an enourmously aggravating rate. The smallest fucking conspiracy is investigated and explored to the point where it's all become incredibly comic. When all else fails, the Templars did it. I wouldn't be even remotely suprised if they decided to do a Bandai Easter Special. Yes, Gundam Pilot Jesus Fighting the Giant Sanhedrin Mecha in the Burning Ruins of Mega-Jerusalem, tonight at 8/7c. Then of course, there are the infamous homoerotic themes of the Passion, about the Roman centurion Biggus Dickus sodomizing the crucified Jesus, and what Jacques Lacan would make of it all. After all, a divinity that denies sex but accepts crucifixion can never be accepted. This is invariably transmitted to the populace every year-- prompted no doubt by the ghost of Lacan. This, in turn, is motivated by Lacan's own unrequited desire for ectoplasmic sex with the ghost of Michel Foucault-- "ma belle Michel(le)." I've never understood why we can't just grasp just how much more tolerable-- not to mention realistic-- a Bandai Easter would be. Japanese Big Robots (à la Power Rangers) trump French Theory each and every time.

Speaking of Biggus Dickus, The Military Channel is running "The Battle for Rome"--- the American title for a 2006 BBC One docudrama series called "Ancient Rome: Rise and Fall of an Empire". I fucking love it. I walked in the other night, turned on The Military Channel, and saw a silhouetted basilica with the caption "Ravenna-- The Imperial Capital," and nearly had to change my pants. Any series-- or anyone, for that matter-- that recognizes that by the early 400s it was RAVENNA and not Rome that was the capital of the Western Empire gets my fucking attention. Annnnd any episode about Stilicho and Alaric will never fail to do the same.

My arousal by this prospect was almost immediately extinguished upon hearing some loathsome right-wing social conservative columist's rant yesterday about Lewis Black. It was in response to his "Root of All Evil: Oprah vs. The Catholic Church," which was complete with telephone numbers for viewers to poll in as to whether Oprah or the Catholic Church deserved the aforementioned title. It's fucking obvious that Oprah is far more evil than the Church, despite the fact that both are supremely...for lack of a better term, bad. Albeit its shortcomings recognized, the Church has given us great art and architecture, kept Latin alive, shaped Western culture, underwritten the rise of universities, defended the West against Paynim-ism and the Mahometan hordes, and given us really brilliant performance art in all of its strange costumes and rituals.

Sure, to the layman, the burning heretics thing and the sodomizing choirboys thing is unsettling, but-- no Church, no Jesuits. When a serious exorcism needs to be done, who ya gonna call? Southern Baptists? No fucking chance. Anyway, the viewing audience, though, chose the Church as the greater evil-- 56% to 44%. That's a vote that's got to be based on intimidation. After all, Opus Dei can only have albino assassins stab you to death. Oprah devours still-living human victims after sucking out their souls. There is no greater terror-- not even deep from within the dungeons of the Inquisition itself-- than watching Oprah unhinge her jaw and swallow a human victim whole, like some tubby anaconda.

:pathos: - -apathy-

Life-long Goals [01 Feb 2008|01:45am]

I want to be the Pythagoras of the isosceles triangle.

:pathos: - -apathy-

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